An example of a solution focused dialogue between a coach and a manager is the following:
© 2011 Gwenda Schlundt Bodien
Client I have just started with this major project which has to transform a large part of our city into a more liveable environment and I have come to the conclusion I have bitten off more than I can chew and the goals are not feasible.
Coach Indeed? That sounds like an important project. And now you have come to the conclusion that the goals are not feasible?
Client I have been asked by the managing director and was flattered that he trusted me with this major project. We had a couple of very inspiring meetings together and we were both very enthusiastic….about the goals of the project and about working together…one great idea after the other…but now that I have actually started the project it turns out that our key players are not ready to change…I get very little cooperation…and very little means….
Coach I see…so you and the managing director are very inspired and inspire each other….and now that you have started things prove to be harder then expected….little cooperation, little means…how is this situation a problem to you?
Client Erm….I doubt if I can substantiate what I promised…I seriously doubt it…..we have been way too ambitious, I’m afraid…..
Coach Yeah…yeah….so you doubt if you can substantiate the ambitions….how does that bother you?
Client Well…..what mainly bothers me is that the managing director still believes everything will be as we thought it would in the early enthusiastic days… I guess that’s what bothers me most….that he is still on the same track as before….I fear he will be very disapointed when I tell him we can’t do it the way we set out to do it…no way we can achieve those ambitious plans…it won’t do our reputations any good and he’ll be most upset by what I have to tell him….That’s what bothers me most…that it is entirely my problem right now…
Coach Yeah, I can understand you want to change things in that respect…
Client Exactly….yeah, I realy do want to change that….You see, you can’t expect everybody to get positively involved in a major change like this one…but it can’t be that I have to realise all the ambitions while the facts are so much more tenacious than we expected… yeah….I really want to do something about this….
Coach That I understand…so you don’t want to have to realise all the ambitions while the reality is so much more tenacious than you both expected…how would you like things to become?
Client Yeah yeah….erm…that’s a tough one…Preferably I would have all the cooperation of all the key parties….more budget…more means….but erm…....
Coach Hmmm..?
Client Well…you know….good cooperation takes time and I’m sure I can pull that off in time….but it takes some patience….But I’m thinking….what I really would like is for the managing director and me to have a more realistic outlook.. together…
Coach Aha, how would you notice that the two of you had a more realistic outlook?
Client Well…when I see him these days he is still so impassionate about the huge metamorphosis of our city…as if everybody is going to live in Utopia…and I’m thinking…you’re not stuck in the mud like I am…
Coach Yes…that sounds hard….how would you notice that the two of you had a more realistic outlook when you see him and speak with him?
Client In that case…I would have the space to tell him about the major problems I’m facing….I wouldn’t have to be so optimistic and positive all of the time….He would have an open ear for reality and for things that are blatantly bad…
Coach I understand…you two would discuss the major problems and he would have an open ear for reality and you wouldn’t have to be so positive all the time as you are not always so optimistic….what would be the benefit of that?
Client Such an honest man to man could be very beneficial…sure! We would be able to make a much more realistic projectplanning.. with the same ambitions, just taking much more time to achieve them..we would talk about all the obstacles and come up with better plans…and communicate the same ideas everywhere…
Coach Sounds good! What would be better for you then?
Client That would lift a weight from my shoulders…I would probably be inspired again to go for it….and enjoy the meetings with the managing director again..….because we both know and understand that our ambitions take time and resources…. Yeah…that would be good…but that’s not where he is at now…he still has his head in the clouds…tells everyone how pleased he is I am leading the transformation of our city...
Coach No…that’s not where he is at yet….So, imagine a scale of 0 to 10 where 10 is the situation in which the two of you share more realistic ideas and plans and you are inspired to go for it again, and 0 is the situation in which none of that was realised yet….where are you now on that scale?
Client Not very high…I guess a 5 or so…
Coach Not very high...a 5 or so….what makes you say it’s a 5?
Client Let me think….I still enjoy working on the project…and I do believe in our ultimate goals…I also agree with the managing director I’m the one to manage the project…I’m good at these sorts of major change operations…I can really pull people together and make things happen…People trust me because I walk my talk..
Coach Oké, sounds good…you still enjoy it, you believe in the goals, you know you’re the right person and people trust you because you walk your talk.. Good…what else have you done to get to 5?
Client Erm…I know how to approach the managing director..I have known him for a long time and I just know how to hit the right keys…we understand eachother, we’re carved out of the same wood… we want the same thing..we really go for it once we believe in it...
Coach That’s useful, that you know how to approach him...
Client Yeah, that’s right….it’s ok actually…I have already achieve stuff…yeah…by the way, now that I am thinking about it, the other day the managing director dropped by and mentioned this interest group which is being very difficult…I forgot about that….he didn’t have the time to discuss it properly, but looking back at it I guess it was the first time he came up with a problem himself…
Coach Interesting…Right….so that’s how you managed to get to 5…I can see why you say you have already achieved stuff……
Client Yes, yes, indeed!
Coach May I ask you something…what is the highest you have been on the scale?
Client You mean….the highest I’ve been….let me think now…I’m sure I’ve been higher than a 5….yeah…I would say there have been moments that I’ve been an 8!
Coach Aha…an 8! When was that?
Client When we just started the project….I was attending the first steering group meeting, kick-off meeting…He was firing off this impassionate speech and I took over from him with the same passion…There were a few critical comments…and it turned out we weren’t on the same wave length with regard to some of our answers…so in the next brake we quickly exchanged our concerns about this and we levelled with eachother… that was good, because it was quite a profound issue…
Coach Wow, sounds really interesting…how did you do that, to level with each other so quickly on such a profound issue?
Client Good one…good one….how did we do that again….erm…I just signalled we had to have a brake and he immediately responded to that…we stepped outside, so that others couldn’t see us…I remember explaining my views and concerns…I was very convinced this was a crucial decision…I think I took my time to explain myself clearly….he’s a good listener by the way…He’s very good in understanding when he needs to listen….I’ve noticed that before actually… He then explained things to me I wasn’t aware of..he had more information than I did.. so then it was easy and we came to some conclusions quickly..
Coach That’s good, that you can solve those sorts of situations so well together….
Client Indeed! Maybe now you understand why I have high hopes to solve this problem with him as well….we’re both reasonable people……
Coach Yes, I do understand that there are many indications that you can solve this…!
Client Yeah yeah…
Coach Is it being useful to talk about this?
Client Sure!
Coach What’s been useful so far?
Client Well…I am much more clear about what needs to happen…
Coach Yeah?
Client Yeah…you see, I want to focus on levelling with the managing director as
soon as possible..because once that’s done, I’m sure we’ll find ways to solve the other problems as well..more time, better communication, less ambitious targets….you know..
Coach I see…so how would you notice you’re one step higher on the scale?
Client One step higher…that would be when the managing director and I have had are first exchange of concerns…
Coach Sounds good... what ideas have you now got to take a step forward?
Client Well, you don’t know this but he’s going on a holiday tomorrow..so my idea is to organise a “step outside” moment today during our last staff meeting where we both will be…just tell him we need to talk about some major obstacles after his holiday..in such a way that I still show my dedication and enthusiasm..
Coach I can see that that could work well….
Client Thanks for this, it’s been worthwhile!
Coach How would you like to go about a possible next session?
Client I’d like to call you in a few months time, is that ok?
Coach Absolutely!
donderdag 15 september 2011
Managers die doen wat werkt…..
• ….begrijpen dat medewerkers de voorkeur hebben om hun eigen keuzes te maken en autonoom te zijn. Oplossingsgerichte managers bieden daarom de vrijheid waar mogelijk, zodat medewerkers zoveel mogelijk hun eigen keuzes kunnen maken.
• ….begrijpen dat medewerkers graag ervaren competent te zijn en zij sturen medewerkers op zo’n manier dat zij hun competenties kunnen inzetten en ontwikkelen.
• ……begrijpen dat medewerkers zich verbonden willen voelen en creëren daarom de omstandigheden waarin mensen ervaren dat hun inspanning en bijdrage belangrijk zijn en worden gewaardeerd.
• ……geven ruimte aan de aanwezige intrinsieke motivatie van medewerkers door de leiden van achteren waar mogelijk, door de eigen oplossingen van medewerkers te exploreren en door indirecte proces complimenten te geven
• …..stimuleren de ontwikkeling van geïnternaliseerde extrinsieke motivatie door de waarde van het werk van de medewerker voor de organisatie expliciet te benoemen en de waarde van het werkt van de medewerker voor de medewerker zelf te exploreren..
• ……evalueren het gedrag van medewerkers in de specifieke context waarin het gedrag zich voordoet in plaats van het gedrag toe te schrijven aan vaststaande persoonlijkheidskenmerken. Hierdoor gaan managers die doen wat werkt ervan uit dat mensen zichzelf kunnen verbeteren.
• …….exploreren eerst het perspectief van de medewerker op een aanmoedigende en uitnodigende manier, wanneer er problemen zijn of wanneer de medewerker niet goed functioneert. Door het perspectief van de medewerker te erkennen en de medewerker serieus te nemen, wordt een yes-set gecreëerd en wordt de kans op een constructief gesprek groter.
• …..formuleren precies wat ze verwachten van medewerkers en waartoe ze dit verwachten (positieve opbrengsten), want managers die doen wat werkt blijven gefocust op de positieve doelen en hebben gevalideerde redenen als ze een doel opleggen aan een medewerker.
• …..kiezen voor een begripvolle, vriendelijke en doelgerichte mindset in de interactie met de medewerker en houden hun eigen negatieve emoties zoveel mogelijk buiten de interactie met de medewerkers.
• ….begrijpen dat medewerkers graag ervaren competent te zijn en zij sturen medewerkers op zo’n manier dat zij hun competenties kunnen inzetten en ontwikkelen.
• ……begrijpen dat medewerkers zich verbonden willen voelen en creëren daarom de omstandigheden waarin mensen ervaren dat hun inspanning en bijdrage belangrijk zijn en worden gewaardeerd.
• ……geven ruimte aan de aanwezige intrinsieke motivatie van medewerkers door de leiden van achteren waar mogelijk, door de eigen oplossingen van medewerkers te exploreren en door indirecte proces complimenten te geven
• …..stimuleren de ontwikkeling van geïnternaliseerde extrinsieke motivatie door de waarde van het werk van de medewerker voor de organisatie expliciet te benoemen en de waarde van het werkt van de medewerker voor de medewerker zelf te exploreren..
• ……evalueren het gedrag van medewerkers in de specifieke context waarin het gedrag zich voordoet in plaats van het gedrag toe te schrijven aan vaststaande persoonlijkheidskenmerken. Hierdoor gaan managers die doen wat werkt ervan uit dat mensen zichzelf kunnen verbeteren.
• …….exploreren eerst het perspectief van de medewerker op een aanmoedigende en uitnodigende manier, wanneer er problemen zijn of wanneer de medewerker niet goed functioneert. Door het perspectief van de medewerker te erkennen en de medewerker serieus te nemen, wordt een yes-set gecreëerd en wordt de kans op een constructief gesprek groter.
• …..formuleren precies wat ze verwachten van medewerkers en waartoe ze dit verwachten (positieve opbrengsten), want managers die doen wat werkt blijven gefocust op de positieve doelen en hebben gevalideerde redenen als ze een doel opleggen aan een medewerker.
• …..kiezen voor een begripvolle, vriendelijke en doelgerichte mindset in de interactie met de medewerker en houden hun eigen negatieve emoties zoveel mogelijk buiten de interactie met de medewerkers.
dinsdag 13 september 2011
What works when directing?
Managers who do what works:
.....understand that employees prefer to be autonomous and to make their own choices. Solution focused managers therefore provide freedom whenever possible so that employees can make their own choices.
....understand that employees prefer to perceive themselves as competent and to become more competent and direct people in such a way that they can use and develop their competencies.
……understand that employees prefer to feel connected and therefore provide the conditions in which people feel their effort and contribution are valued and appreciated.
……accomodate the existing intrinsic motivation of employees by leading from behind whenever possible, exploring employee’s own solutions and giving indirect process compliments.
...stimulate the development of internalised extrinsic motivation by exploring the value of the employee’s work for the employee himself and explaining the value for the organisation.
……evaluate the behaviour of employees in the specific context in which it occurs, instead of attributing the behaviour to a fixed personality trait. By doing so managers who do what works presume people can improve.
.….first explore the employees perspective in an inviting and encouraging way when there are problems or the employee doesn’t perform well. By acknowledging the perspective of the employee and taking him seriously, a yes-set is created in which constructive cooperation is more likely to happen.
…..formulate precisely what they expect from an employee and why they expect this (positive results), because managers who do what works stay focused on the positive goals and have valid reasons when imposing a goal.
…..choose to maintain an understanding, friendly and goal directed mindset when interacting with employees and keep their own negative emotions as much as possible out of the interaction with the employee.
.....understand that employees prefer to be autonomous and to make their own choices. Solution focused managers therefore provide freedom whenever possible so that employees can make their own choices.
....understand that employees prefer to perceive themselves as competent and to become more competent and direct people in such a way that they can use and develop their competencies.
……understand that employees prefer to feel connected and therefore provide the conditions in which people feel their effort and contribution are valued and appreciated.
……accomodate the existing intrinsic motivation of employees by leading from behind whenever possible, exploring employee’s own solutions and giving indirect process compliments.
...stimulate the development of internalised extrinsic motivation by exploring the value of the employee’s work for the employee himself and explaining the value for the organisation.
……evaluate the behaviour of employees in the specific context in which it occurs, instead of attributing the behaviour to a fixed personality trait. By doing so managers who do what works presume people can improve.
.….first explore the employees perspective in an inviting and encouraging way when there are problems or the employee doesn’t perform well. By acknowledging the perspective of the employee and taking him seriously, a yes-set is created in which constructive cooperation is more likely to happen.
…..formulate precisely what they expect from an employee and why they expect this (positive results), because managers who do what works stay focused on the positive goals and have valid reasons when imposing a goal.
…..choose to maintain an understanding, friendly and goal directed mindset when interacting with employees and keep their own negative emotions as much as possible out of the interaction with the employee.
dinsdag 30 augustus 2011
Solution focused questions to use the flow chart
In a previous post I described the solution focused flow chart, see here. In each of the phases of the flow chart numerous solution focused interventions are applicable. Below you find a few examples, following the flow chart from the top.
Structuring a solution focused interaction
The terms visitor typical, complainer typical and client typical are widely used by solution focused practitioners. However, often the terms become labels for the client’s behaviour, instead of a description of the interaction between the professional and the client. The problem is that with labeling the client as a visitor or a complainer or a client one loses sight of one’s own part in the interaction. A client who finds a conversation useless may become visitor typical, but if the practitioner accepts the perspective of the client and regards him as cooperative (no matter how resistant he may appear), he will try and find out what the client does want to achieve and as a result the interaction may become client typical fairly quickly. Another down side to labeling clients is probability of getting exactly the sort of response you think you will get. If the practitioner has labeled the client as complainer typical, chances are that the conversation will unfold that way.
Of course this is not what solution focused practitioners plead for. Very often I’ve heard myself explain to other people that the terms refer to the interaction and not to the client. But maybe, if you have to explain yourself so often, there is a better way of talking about the sort of interaction that is going on. The below flow chart, which Coert Visser and I came up with, aims to describe the interaction between the client and the solution focused professional, without using the terms visitor, complainer or client typical.
The flow chart starts with the question “does the client see the usefulness of having the conversation?”. If the answer is no, then the solution focused interventions are to explore what would make the conversation useful. If the client does come up with a topic, then you start exploring what it is he wants to achieve. Sometimes this involves talking about his problem (FORWARD step 1) and sometimes it is possible to immediately ask about the client’s goals (FORWARD step 2). If the client has described his desired situation the solution focused interventions are aimed at helping the client to perceive himself as part of the solution to achieve the desired situation. Sometimes clients may feel powerless. They know what they would like to achieve, but they don’t feel they can influence getting there. They feel dependent on other people or they feel they don’t have the strength or competence to make the desired situation reality. Questions like “what would you do differently is the problem had disappeared?” invite the client to describe his own positive behaviour. This helps to focus on his own behaviour, resulting in him feeling less powerless and more able to do something himself. Maybe he will come up with ideas as to what he can do to achieve the desired situation, but often it is useful explores helpful experiences in the past (previous successes and positive exceptions). By talking about these experiences and by analysing what worked well then, the client will often get ideas regarding his next step forward.
Of course this is not what solution focused practitioners plead for. Very often I’ve heard myself explain to other people that the terms refer to the interaction and not to the client. But maybe, if you have to explain yourself so often, there is a better way of talking about the sort of interaction that is going on. The below flow chart, which Coert Visser and I came up with, aims to describe the interaction between the client and the solution focused professional, without using the terms visitor, complainer or client typical.
The flow chart starts with the question “does the client see the usefulness of having the conversation?”. If the answer is no, then the solution focused interventions are to explore what would make the conversation useful. If the client does come up with a topic, then you start exploring what it is he wants to achieve. Sometimes this involves talking about his problem (FORWARD step 1) and sometimes it is possible to immediately ask about the client’s goals (FORWARD step 2). If the client has described his desired situation the solution focused interventions are aimed at helping the client to perceive himself as part of the solution to achieve the desired situation. Sometimes clients may feel powerless. They know what they would like to achieve, but they don’t feel they can influence getting there. They feel dependent on other people or they feel they don’t have the strength or competence to make the desired situation reality. Questions like “what would you do differently is the problem had disappeared?” invite the client to describe his own positive behaviour. This helps to focus on his own behaviour, resulting in him feeling less powerless and more able to do something himself. Maybe he will come up with ideas as to what he can do to achieve the desired situation, but often it is useful explores helpful experiences in the past (previous successes and positive exceptions). By talking about these experiences and by analysing what worked well then, the client will often get ideas regarding his next step forward.
vrijdag 5 augustus 2011
Solution focused dialogue
The below dialogue illustrates how a solution focused conversation could unfold. The client is a director of a division of a large organisation and has just accepted a major project. He has decided to use a sparring partner in the start up of this major project and has found a solution focused coach. The below dialogue is based on a true first session, however this is a condensed version of the longer session between the coach and the client:
Client I have just started with this major project which has to transform a large part of our city into a more liveable environment and I have come to the conclusion I have bitten off more than I can chew and the goals are not feasible.
Coach Indeed? That sounds like an important project. And now you have come to the conclusion that the goals are not feasible?
Client I have been asked by the managing director and was flattered that he trusted me with this major project. We had a couple of very inspiring meetings together and we were both very enthusiastic….about the goals of the project and about working together…one great idea after the other…but now that I have actually started the project it turns out that our key players are not ready to change…I get very little cooperation…and very little means….
Coach I see…so you and the managing director are very inspired and inspire each other….and now that you have started things prove to be harder then expected….little cooperation, little means…how is this situation a problem to you?
Client Erm….I doubt if I can substantiate what I promised…I seriously doubt it…..we have been way too ambitious, I’m afraid…..
Coach Yeah…yeah….so you doubt if you can substantiate the ambitions….how does that bother you?
Client Well…..what mainly bothers me is that the managing director still believes everything will be as we thought it would in the early enthusiastic days… I guess that’s what bothers me most….that he is still on the same track as before….I fear he will be very disapointed when I tell him we can’t do it the way we set out to do it…no way we can achieve those ambitious plans…it won’t do our reputations any good and he’ll be most upset by what I have to tell him….That’s what bothers me most…that it is entirely my problem right now…
Coach Yeah, I can understand you want to change things in that respect…
Client Exactly….yeah, I realy do want to change that….You see, you can’t expect everybody to get positively involved in a major change like this one…but it can’t be that I have to realise all the ambitions while the facts are so much more tenacious than we expected… yeah….I really want to do something about this….
Coach That I understand…so you don’t want to have to realise all the ambitions while the reality is so much more tenacious than you both expected…how would you like things to become?
Client Yeah yeah….erm…that’s a tough one…Preferably I would have all the cooperation of all the key parties….more budget…more means….but erm…....
Coach Hmmm..?
Client Well…you know….good cooperation takes time and I’m sure I can pull that off in time….but it takes some patience….But I’m thinking….what I really would like is for the managing director and me to have a more realistic outlook.. together…
Coach Aha, how would you notice that the two of you had a more realistic outlook?
Client Well…when I see him these days he is still so impassionate about the huge metamorphosis of our city…as if everybody is going to live in Utopia…and I’m thinking…you’re not stuck in the mud like I am…
Coach Yes…that sounds hard….how would you notice that the two of you had a more realistic outlook when you see him and speak with him?
Client In that case…I would have the space to tell him about the major problems I’m facing….I wouldn’t have to be so optimistic and positive all of the time….He would have an open ear for reality and for things that are blatantly bad…
Coach I understand…you two would discuss the major problems and he would have an open ear for reality and you wouldn’t have to be so positive all the time as you are not always so optimistic….what would be the benefit of that?
Client Such an honest man to man could be very beneficial…sure! We would be able to make a much more realistic projectplanning.. with the same ambitions, just taking much more time to achieve them..we would talk about all the obstacles and come up with better plans…and communicate the same ideas everywhere…
Coach Sounds good! What would be better for you then?
Client That would lift a weight from my shoulders…I would probably be inspired again to go for it….and enjoy the meetings with the managing director again..….because we both know and understand that our ambitions take time and resources…. Yeah…that would be good…but that’s not where he is at now…he still has his head in the clouds…tells everyone how pleased he is I am leading the transformation of our city...
Coach No…that’s not where he is at yet….So, imagine a scale of 0 to 10 where 10 is the situation in which the two of you share more realistic ideas and plans and you are inspired to go for it again, and 0 is the situation in which none of that was realised yet….where are you now on that scale?
Client Not very high…I guess a 5 or so…
Coach Not very high...a 5 or so….what makes you say it’s a 5?
Client Let me think….I still enjoy working on the project…and I do believe in our ultimate goals…I also agree with the managing director I’m the one to manage the project…I’m good at these sorts of major change operations…I can really pull people together and make things happen…People trust me because I walk my talk..
Coach Oké, sounds good…you still enjoy it, you believe in the goals, you know you’re the right person and people trust you because you walk your talk.. Good…what else have you done to get to 5?
Client Erm…I know how to approach the managing director..I have known him for a long time and I just know how to hit the right keys…we understand eachother, we’re carved out of the same wood… we want the same thing..we really go for it once we believe in it...
Coach That’s useful, that you know how to approach him...
Client Yeah, that’s right….it’s ok actually…I have already achieve stuff…yeah…by the way, now that I am thinking about it, the other day the managing director dropped by and mentioned this interest group which is being very difficult…I forgot about that….he didn’t have the time to discuss it properly, but looking back at it I guess it was the first time he came up with a problem himself…
Coach Interesting…Right….so that’s how you managed to get to 5…I can see why you say you have already achieved stuff……
Client Yes, yes, indeed!
Coach May I ask you something…what is the highest you have been on the scale?
Client You mean….the highest I’ve been….let me think now…I’m sure I’ve been higher than a 5….yeah…I would say there have been moments that I’ve been an 8!
Coach Aha…an 8! When was that?
Client When we just started the project….I was attending the first steering group meeting, kick-off meeting…He was firing off this impassionate speech and I took over from him with the same passion…There were a few critical comments…and it turned out we weren’t on the same wave length with regard to some of our answers…so in the next brake we quickly exchanged our concerns about this and we levelled with eachother… that was good, because it was quite a profound issue…
Coach Wow, sounds really interesting…how did you do that, to level with each other so quickly on such a profound issue?
Client Good one…good one….how did we do that again….erm…I just signalled we had to have a brake and he immediately responded to that…we stepped outside, so that others couldn’t see us…I remember explaining my views and concerns…I was very convinced this was a crucial decision…I think I took my time to explain myself clearly….he’s a good listener by the way…He’s very good in understanding when he needs to listen….I’ve noticed that before actually… He then explained things to me I wasn’t aware of..he had more information than I did.. so then it was easy and we came to some conclusions quickly..
Coach That’s good, that you can solve those sorts of situations so well together….
Client Indeed! Maybe now you understand why I have high hopes to solve this problem with him as well….we’re both reasonable people……
Coach Yes, I do understand that there are many indications that you can solve this…!
Client Yeah yeah…
Coach Is it being useful to talk about this?
Client Sure!
Coach What’s been useful so far?
Client Well…I am much more clear about what needs to happen…
Coach Yeah?
Client Yeah…you see, I want to focus on levelling with the managing director as soon as possible..because once that’s done, I’m sure we’ll find ways to solve the other problems as well..more time, better communication, less ambitious targets….you know..
Coach I see…so how would you notice you’re one step higher on the scale?
Client One step higher…that would be when the managing director and I have had are first exchange of concerns…
Coach Sounds good... what ideas have you now got to take a step forward?
Client Well, you don’t know this but he’s going on a holiday tomorrow..so my idea is to organise a “step outside” moment today during our last staff meeting where we both will be…just tell him we need to talk about some major obstacles after his holiday..in such a way that I still show my dedication and enthusiasm..
Coach I can see that that could work well….
Client Thanks for this, it’s been worthwhile!
Coach How would you like to go about a possible next session?
Client I’d like to call you in a few months time, is that ok?
© Gwenda Schlundt Bodien
Client I have just started with this major project which has to transform a large part of our city into a more liveable environment and I have come to the conclusion I have bitten off more than I can chew and the goals are not feasible.
Coach Indeed? That sounds like an important project. And now you have come to the conclusion that the goals are not feasible?
Client I have been asked by the managing director and was flattered that he trusted me with this major project. We had a couple of very inspiring meetings together and we were both very enthusiastic….about the goals of the project and about working together…one great idea after the other…but now that I have actually started the project it turns out that our key players are not ready to change…I get very little cooperation…and very little means….
Coach I see…so you and the managing director are very inspired and inspire each other….and now that you have started things prove to be harder then expected….little cooperation, little means…how is this situation a problem to you?
Client Erm….I doubt if I can substantiate what I promised…I seriously doubt it…..we have been way too ambitious, I’m afraid…..
Coach Yeah…yeah….so you doubt if you can substantiate the ambitions….how does that bother you?
Client Well…..what mainly bothers me is that the managing director still believes everything will be as we thought it would in the early enthusiastic days… I guess that’s what bothers me most….that he is still on the same track as before….I fear he will be very disapointed when I tell him we can’t do it the way we set out to do it…no way we can achieve those ambitious plans…it won’t do our reputations any good and he’ll be most upset by what I have to tell him….That’s what bothers me most…that it is entirely my problem right now…
Coach Yeah, I can understand you want to change things in that respect…
Client Exactly….yeah, I realy do want to change that….You see, you can’t expect everybody to get positively involved in a major change like this one…but it can’t be that I have to realise all the ambitions while the facts are so much more tenacious than we expected… yeah….I really want to do something about this….
Coach That I understand…so you don’t want to have to realise all the ambitions while the reality is so much more tenacious than you both expected…how would you like things to become?
Client Yeah yeah….erm…that’s a tough one…Preferably I would have all the cooperation of all the key parties….more budget…more means….but erm…....
Coach Hmmm..?
Client Well…you know….good cooperation takes time and I’m sure I can pull that off in time….but it takes some patience….But I’m thinking….what I really would like is for the managing director and me to have a more realistic outlook.. together…
Coach Aha, how would you notice that the two of you had a more realistic outlook?
Client Well…when I see him these days he is still so impassionate about the huge metamorphosis of our city…as if everybody is going to live in Utopia…and I’m thinking…you’re not stuck in the mud like I am…
Coach Yes…that sounds hard….how would you notice that the two of you had a more realistic outlook when you see him and speak with him?
Client In that case…I would have the space to tell him about the major problems I’m facing….I wouldn’t have to be so optimistic and positive all of the time….He would have an open ear for reality and for things that are blatantly bad…
Coach I understand…you two would discuss the major problems and he would have an open ear for reality and you wouldn’t have to be so positive all the time as you are not always so optimistic….what would be the benefit of that?
Client Such an honest man to man could be very beneficial…sure! We would be able to make a much more realistic projectplanning.. with the same ambitions, just taking much more time to achieve them..we would talk about all the obstacles and come up with better plans…and communicate the same ideas everywhere…
Coach Sounds good! What would be better for you then?
Client That would lift a weight from my shoulders…I would probably be inspired again to go for it….and enjoy the meetings with the managing director again..….because we both know and understand that our ambitions take time and resources…. Yeah…that would be good…but that’s not where he is at now…he still has his head in the clouds…tells everyone how pleased he is I am leading the transformation of our city...
Coach No…that’s not where he is at yet….So, imagine a scale of 0 to 10 where 10 is the situation in which the two of you share more realistic ideas and plans and you are inspired to go for it again, and 0 is the situation in which none of that was realised yet….where are you now on that scale?
Client Not very high…I guess a 5 or so…
Coach Not very high...a 5 or so….what makes you say it’s a 5?
Client Let me think….I still enjoy working on the project…and I do believe in our ultimate goals…I also agree with the managing director I’m the one to manage the project…I’m good at these sorts of major change operations…I can really pull people together and make things happen…People trust me because I walk my talk..
Coach Oké, sounds good…you still enjoy it, you believe in the goals, you know you’re the right person and people trust you because you walk your talk.. Good…what else have you done to get to 5?
Client Erm…I know how to approach the managing director..I have known him for a long time and I just know how to hit the right keys…we understand eachother, we’re carved out of the same wood… we want the same thing..we really go for it once we believe in it...
Coach That’s useful, that you know how to approach him...
Client Yeah, that’s right….it’s ok actually…I have already achieve stuff…yeah…by the way, now that I am thinking about it, the other day the managing director dropped by and mentioned this interest group which is being very difficult…I forgot about that….he didn’t have the time to discuss it properly, but looking back at it I guess it was the first time he came up with a problem himself…
Coach Interesting…Right….so that’s how you managed to get to 5…I can see why you say you have already achieved stuff……
Client Yes, yes, indeed!
Coach May I ask you something…what is the highest you have been on the scale?
Client You mean….the highest I’ve been….let me think now…I’m sure I’ve been higher than a 5….yeah…I would say there have been moments that I’ve been an 8!
Coach Aha…an 8! When was that?
Client When we just started the project….I was attending the first steering group meeting, kick-off meeting…He was firing off this impassionate speech and I took over from him with the same passion…There were a few critical comments…and it turned out we weren’t on the same wave length with regard to some of our answers…so in the next brake we quickly exchanged our concerns about this and we levelled with eachother… that was good, because it was quite a profound issue…
Coach Wow, sounds really interesting…how did you do that, to level with each other so quickly on such a profound issue?
Client Good one…good one….how did we do that again….erm…I just signalled we had to have a brake and he immediately responded to that…we stepped outside, so that others couldn’t see us…I remember explaining my views and concerns…I was very convinced this was a crucial decision…I think I took my time to explain myself clearly….he’s a good listener by the way…He’s very good in understanding when he needs to listen….I’ve noticed that before actually… He then explained things to me I wasn’t aware of..he had more information than I did.. so then it was easy and we came to some conclusions quickly..
Coach That’s good, that you can solve those sorts of situations so well together….
Client Indeed! Maybe now you understand why I have high hopes to solve this problem with him as well….we’re both reasonable people……
Coach Yes, I do understand that there are many indications that you can solve this…!
Client Yeah yeah…
Coach Is it being useful to talk about this?
Client Sure!
Coach What’s been useful so far?
Client Well…I am much more clear about what needs to happen…
Coach Yeah?
Client Yeah…you see, I want to focus on levelling with the managing director as soon as possible..because once that’s done, I’m sure we’ll find ways to solve the other problems as well..more time, better communication, less ambitious targets….you know..
Coach I see…so how would you notice you’re one step higher on the scale?
Client One step higher…that would be when the managing director and I have had are first exchange of concerns…
Coach Sounds good... what ideas have you now got to take a step forward?
Client Well, you don’t know this but he’s going on a holiday tomorrow..so my idea is to organise a “step outside” moment today during our last staff meeting where we both will be…just tell him we need to talk about some major obstacles after his holiday..in such a way that I still show my dedication and enthusiasm..
Coach I can see that that could work well….
Client Thanks for this, it’s been worthwhile!
Coach How would you like to go about a possible next session?
Client I’d like to call you in a few months time, is that ok?
© Gwenda Schlundt Bodien
donderdag 21 juli 2011
“Rapid Fire Facts” a tool to increase positivy
Negative thoughts often enter your mind without your conscious decision to think of something negative. Most of us find it easier to come up with a negative thought than with a positive. Without wanting it, you can spend a lot of your thinking time thinking negative stuff.
Barbara Fredrickson describes tools to increase your positivity in her book Positivity. Here is a simple tool she describes, which is adapted from the Penn Resiliency Program and which helps to overcome negative thinking.
Write down a typical negative thought that could pop up in your mind, such as “overslept again”, “I can’t do it”, “nobody loves me”. It is important that the negative thought is realistic in the sense that it actually pops up in your mind sometimes. The negative sentence represents your inner critic, the skeptical voice that you sometimes hear in your mind and which undermines you. The idea is to write these thoughts on index cards. After you have written the cards with some of your regular negative sentences, pick one up at random and read it out loud. Then the “Rapid Fire Facts” part starts. This is the part in which you rapidly dispute the negative beliefs with every argument you can come up with. You rapidly fire contradicting facts at your negative sentence. When you run out of facts, pick another card and repeat the positive rapid fire facts. Coming up with contradictory facts may get easier and easier with each card.
With this tool you learn to become quick at contradicting these negative thoughts. You “nip them in the bud” before they get a chance to depress you.
Barbara Fredrickson describes tools to increase your positivity in her book Positivity. Here is a simple tool she describes, which is adapted from the Penn Resiliency Program and which helps to overcome negative thinking.
Write down a typical negative thought that could pop up in your mind, such as “overslept again”, “I can’t do it”, “nobody loves me”. It is important that the negative thought is realistic in the sense that it actually pops up in your mind sometimes. The negative sentence represents your inner critic, the skeptical voice that you sometimes hear in your mind and which undermines you. The idea is to write these thoughts on index cards. After you have written the cards with some of your regular negative sentences, pick one up at random and read it out loud. Then the “Rapid Fire Facts” part starts. This is the part in which you rapidly dispute the negative beliefs with every argument you can come up with. You rapidly fire contradicting facts at your negative sentence. When you run out of facts, pick another card and repeat the positive rapid fire facts. Coming up with contradictory facts may get easier and easier with each card.
With this tool you learn to become quick at contradicting these negative thoughts. You “nip them in the bud” before they get a chance to depress you.
zondag 19 juni 2011
solution focused flow chart
You can find a solution focused flow chart here on youtube: solution focused flow chart
zaterdag 18 juni 2011
Compliments and the growth mindset
You’re very intelligent!
You are a good pianist!
What do you think of the above compliments? Have you ever been on the receiving end of these sorts of compliments? Have you ever given these sorts of compliments? Do you like them or do they make you crunch?
Look at this experiment (which can be found at Carol Dweck's website) and then answer these questions again…
A group of four year olds received one of the two following compliments after having drawn a picture:
“You are a good drawer!”
“You did a good job drawing!”
The subtle nuance between the two compliments is that the first is generic and refers to the person whilst the second is nongeneric and refers to a specific episode. In both cases the children would be happy with the compliment and smile.
However, the response to a subsequent failure was very different for children in the two different compliment conditions. After the children had made a mistake, their was a significant difference between the children who had received a generic compliment and the ones who had received a nongeneric compliment. The children who had received a generic compliment behaved helpless after having made the mistake, they valued their performance much less, they were much less willing to keep on drawing and they chose significantly less to improve their drawing, given the chance to draw again. Children who received a nongeneric compliment responded much less emotional to mistakes and were more motivated to improve their mistakes and chose to draw again.
In summary: subtle differences in language influence the belief the children had in their own abilities and their motivation to perform well.
So, what do you think of the compliments at the start of this article now? If you thought that they were effective compliments, you are not alone. However, as Dweck’s work teaches us, they might not be as effective as you would think.
Basically what is wrong with the generic compliments is that they evoke a fixed mindset in the person who receives the compliment. The compliment refers to something like intelligence and painting as a fixed trait of the person. Some people see intelligence and personality as a fixed trait. Entity theorists, is what Dweck calls them. They have a fixed mindset. This is who I am for always, this is my fixed intelligence level, and there is not much I can do to change that. Others see intelligence and personality as malleable. These people have a growth mindset, as Carol Dweck calls it. They think intelligence and personality are no fixed entities but can be developed and improved. They think effort is the key to getting better. So instead of focussing on “being good” people with a growth mindset focus on “getting better”. This turns out to be the best starting point to actually get better. People with a fixed mindset respond different to failure than people with a growth mindset. Why? Because when you believe your intelligence is fixed and you have failed, this is proof that you are not as intelligent as you might have thought and there is nothing you can do about it, because it is fixed. This conviction results in putting less effort into achieving results and even self-handicapping behaviour.
Want to read more? Carol Dweck's page
You are a good pianist!
What do you think of the above compliments? Have you ever been on the receiving end of these sorts of compliments? Have you ever given these sorts of compliments? Do you like them or do they make you crunch?
Look at this experiment (which can be found at Carol Dweck's website) and then answer these questions again…
A group of four year olds received one of the two following compliments after having drawn a picture:
“You are a good drawer!”
“You did a good job drawing!”
The subtle nuance between the two compliments is that the first is generic and refers to the person whilst the second is nongeneric and refers to a specific episode. In both cases the children would be happy with the compliment and smile.
However, the response to a subsequent failure was very different for children in the two different compliment conditions. After the children had made a mistake, their was a significant difference between the children who had received a generic compliment and the ones who had received a nongeneric compliment. The children who had received a generic compliment behaved helpless after having made the mistake, they valued their performance much less, they were much less willing to keep on drawing and they chose significantly less to improve their drawing, given the chance to draw again. Children who received a nongeneric compliment responded much less emotional to mistakes and were more motivated to improve their mistakes and chose to draw again.
In summary: subtle differences in language influence the belief the children had in their own abilities and their motivation to perform well.
So, what do you think of the compliments at the start of this article now? If you thought that they were effective compliments, you are not alone. However, as Dweck’s work teaches us, they might not be as effective as you would think.
Basically what is wrong with the generic compliments is that they evoke a fixed mindset in the person who receives the compliment. The compliment refers to something like intelligence and painting as a fixed trait of the person. Some people see intelligence and personality as a fixed trait. Entity theorists, is what Dweck calls them. They have a fixed mindset. This is who I am for always, this is my fixed intelligence level, and there is not much I can do to change that. Others see intelligence and personality as malleable. These people have a growth mindset, as Carol Dweck calls it. They think intelligence and personality are no fixed entities but can be developed and improved. They think effort is the key to getting better. So instead of focussing on “being good” people with a growth mindset focus on “getting better”. This turns out to be the best starting point to actually get better. People with a fixed mindset respond different to failure than people with a growth mindset. Why? Because when you believe your intelligence is fixed and you have failed, this is proof that you are not as intelligent as you might have thought and there is nothing you can do about it, because it is fixed. This conviction results in putting less effort into achieving results and even self-handicapping behaviour.
Want to read more? Carol Dweck's page
zondag 5 juni 2011
Simple ways to improve self control and develop good habits
What can help to stick to a good intention? A relevant question for many people because good intentions often stay just that… intentions. Whether it is about going to the gym after a hard day’s work or about that glass of wine that you intended not to drink today; the soft comfortable sofa and sharing a good bottle of wine with your friends is often so much more appealing. So you give in. Ah well. There is always tomorrow.
Counsellors are often confronted with clients who really intended to do something, but unfortunately did not come around to actually doing it. The side effect of not sticking to an intended action is that the client can start to feel he is a loser. His confidence and his trust in his ability to change for the better are diminished. On top of the problem he came to counselling with, he gets the surplus problem of low self esteem and lack of confidence.
There are some fairly simple scientifically proven tools available to enhance self control and to stimulate sticking to a good intention. The first is called implementation Intention. Here’s what it is and how it works.
Implementation intention: how does that work?
Implementation intentions are simple action plans stipulating where, when, and how one will perform an intended behaviour. Implementation intentions look like this: “ if I come across situation X, I will perform behaviour Y”. Implementation intentions have been found to promote goal directed behaviour (Gollwitzer et al 1999).
Adriaanse et al describe their research results in this article regarding breaking bad habits using implementation intentions. In the example of the intention of NOT having that glass of wine, the implementation intention can look something like this:” if my friend offers me a glass of wine I will explain I would rather have some fruit juice which I have brought with me”. Adriaanse et al (2011) wondered if implementation intention would indeed work when wanting to change bad habits. The problem with bad habits is that they consist of behaviours which are triggered immediately under certain circumstances and are acted upon almost without conscious thought. Would it indeed work, Adriaanse wondered, to replace the habit of eating crisps in front of the television with a better habit of eating an apple? The problem with breaking habits is that your brain has made very strong links between the situation and the bad behaviour: TV? Crisps! That’s the link you don’t want. Instead you want your brain to go: TV? Apple!
Suppose your implementation intention would be:” if I watch TV I will eat an apple”, where your current bad habit is:”if I watch TV I eat crisps”, which thought would win the battle of popping up in your mind first? The mental process of the implementation intention (apple), or the mental process of the bad habit (crisps)? Adriaanse et al found the following hopeful results in three large scale studies.
Implementation intentions are effective when it comes to overruling the cognitive representation of the bad habit (crisps) with the better implementation intention (apple). Simply put: “if I watch a film I will have a cup of green tea” turns out to be a good way to break the habit of drinking wine when watching TV. The mental link between film and wine is being slowed down and the mental link between film and green tea wins.
Would you like to try if it works for you? This is what Adriaanse did in her research:
1. Think about which unhealthy habit you would like to change and which healthier habit you would like to replace it with (e.g. apple instead of crisps when watching tv)
2. Formulate your intention like this:”if I am in situation X (trigger) I will perform behaviour Y (healthy behaviour)”.
3. Visualise yourself performing your alternative behaviour in the specific situation in which you want to develop your new healthy habit
4. Write down your plan and your better behaviour in detail
After having done this it would also be good to increase your self control. Here is a simple way to help yourself to do just that.
Change your thinking to global and abstract
Fuijta et al (2006,2008) also offers interesting insights in how to help yourself to increase your self control. He found that self control can be improved by taking an abstract, global perspective on a situation. Keep an eye on the bigger picture when making simple daily decisions. You are reluctant to go to the gym, for example, and you are not in the mood. Then you think about your ultimate goal, which is to feel fit and healthy. If you get on with it this evening, this will contribute to reaching your goal. With that in mind it suddenly gets easier to get yourself on your bike. Through abstract reasoning you prevent yourself from dwelling on the (unpleasant) details of your current situation. Instead you start thinking about how this specific situation fits with your overall goals. It turns out that this sort of abstract thinking improves your self control. You don’t think about how much you hate cycling in the rain, but instead you think about the image you want to have of yourself: fit and healthy. Taking into account the bigger picture, global and abstract thinking improve your daily self control.
Try it? Let us know how it worked!
Counsellors are often confronted with clients who really intended to do something, but unfortunately did not come around to actually doing it. The side effect of not sticking to an intended action is that the client can start to feel he is a loser. His confidence and his trust in his ability to change for the better are diminished. On top of the problem he came to counselling with, he gets the surplus problem of low self esteem and lack of confidence.
There are some fairly simple scientifically proven tools available to enhance self control and to stimulate sticking to a good intention. The first is called implementation Intention. Here’s what it is and how it works.
Implementation intention: how does that work?
Implementation intentions are simple action plans stipulating where, when, and how one will perform an intended behaviour. Implementation intentions look like this: “ if I come across situation X, I will perform behaviour Y”. Implementation intentions have been found to promote goal directed behaviour (Gollwitzer et al 1999).
Adriaanse et al describe their research results in this article regarding breaking bad habits using implementation intentions. In the example of the intention of NOT having that glass of wine, the implementation intention can look something like this:” if my friend offers me a glass of wine I will explain I would rather have some fruit juice which I have brought with me”. Adriaanse et al (2011) wondered if implementation intention would indeed work when wanting to change bad habits. The problem with bad habits is that they consist of behaviours which are triggered immediately under certain circumstances and are acted upon almost without conscious thought. Would it indeed work, Adriaanse wondered, to replace the habit of eating crisps in front of the television with a better habit of eating an apple? The problem with breaking habits is that your brain has made very strong links between the situation and the bad behaviour: TV? Crisps! That’s the link you don’t want. Instead you want your brain to go: TV? Apple!
Suppose your implementation intention would be:” if I watch TV I will eat an apple”, where your current bad habit is:”if I watch TV I eat crisps”, which thought would win the battle of popping up in your mind first? The mental process of the implementation intention (apple), or the mental process of the bad habit (crisps)? Adriaanse et al found the following hopeful results in three large scale studies.
Implementation intentions are effective when it comes to overruling the cognitive representation of the bad habit (crisps) with the better implementation intention (apple). Simply put: “if I watch a film I will have a cup of green tea” turns out to be a good way to break the habit of drinking wine when watching TV. The mental link between film and wine is being slowed down and the mental link between film and green tea wins.
Would you like to try if it works for you? This is what Adriaanse did in her research:
1. Think about which unhealthy habit you would like to change and which healthier habit you would like to replace it with (e.g. apple instead of crisps when watching tv)
2. Formulate your intention like this:”if I am in situation X (trigger) I will perform behaviour Y (healthy behaviour)”.
3. Visualise yourself performing your alternative behaviour in the specific situation in which you want to develop your new healthy habit
4. Write down your plan and your better behaviour in detail
After having done this it would also be good to increase your self control. Here is a simple way to help yourself to do just that.
Change your thinking to global and abstract
Fuijta et al (2006,2008) also offers interesting insights in how to help yourself to increase your self control. He found that self control can be improved by taking an abstract, global perspective on a situation. Keep an eye on the bigger picture when making simple daily decisions. You are reluctant to go to the gym, for example, and you are not in the mood. Then you think about your ultimate goal, which is to feel fit and healthy. If you get on with it this evening, this will contribute to reaching your goal. With that in mind it suddenly gets easier to get yourself on your bike. Through abstract reasoning you prevent yourself from dwelling on the (unpleasant) details of your current situation. Instead you start thinking about how this specific situation fits with your overall goals. It turns out that this sort of abstract thinking improves your self control. You don’t think about how much you hate cycling in the rain, but instead you think about the image you want to have of yourself: fit and healthy. Taking into account the bigger picture, global and abstract thinking improve your daily self control.
Try it? Let us know how it worked!
Positive emotions in times of crisis
How can you possibly have positive emotions when you have just lost your job? Does it do any good to have positive emotions under these sorts of difficult circumstances? Yes, is the answer. Interesting research by Tugade and Fredrickson shows that positive emotions in times of crisis have a profound impact on well being and achieving your goals. Barbara Fredrickson has written the book Positivity, in which she explains research results of many years of dedicated research. Tugade and Fredrickson looked for example into the effect of positive emotions on survivors of the 9/11 bombings.
They found that survivors who reported feelings of gratefulness and joy to have survived, were much better off in the long run. It turns out that when people give positive meaning to negative events beyond their control, this has a very strong positive effect on how they cope. It leads to a healthier body and a healthier mind. People who stayed focused on positive and realistic goals, turned out to cope much better with the 9/11 disaster than people who felt to be a victim of the bombings.
Positive emotions in times of crisis help to keep a broader perspective on your situation, to look beyond the direct negative stressors and to take a more varied array of actions to achieve positive goals. Positive emotions, therefore, do more than just making you feel better in the moment. They have a long term effect.
In the current times of economic downturn, it is useful to be aware of the positive effect of positive emotions. But how do you do that? Surely it is not easy to feel anything positive after you have lost something valuable or someone special? Solution focused counseling is one of the ways in which people can find positive meaning and become more optimistic. The solution focused counselor helps clients to keep their positive, realistic goals in mind and to develop effective coping strategies when things are hard. Solution focused counselors subtly help clients to give positive meaning to their current situation and to focus on what works for them to achieve their desired future step by step.
If you want to read more:
They found that survivors who reported feelings of gratefulness and joy to have survived, were much better off in the long run. It turns out that when people give positive meaning to negative events beyond their control, this has a very strong positive effect on how they cope. It leads to a healthier body and a healthier mind. People who stayed focused on positive and realistic goals, turned out to cope much better with the 9/11 disaster than people who felt to be a victim of the bombings.
Positive emotions in times of crisis help to keep a broader perspective on your situation, to look beyond the direct negative stressors and to take a more varied array of actions to achieve positive goals. Positive emotions, therefore, do more than just making you feel better in the moment. They have a long term effect.
In the current times of economic downturn, it is useful to be aware of the positive effect of positive emotions. But how do you do that? Surely it is not easy to feel anything positive after you have lost something valuable or someone special? Solution focused counseling is one of the ways in which people can find positive meaning and become more optimistic. The solution focused counselor helps clients to keep their positive, realistic goals in mind and to develop effective coping strategies when things are hard. Solution focused counselors subtly help clients to give positive meaning to their current situation and to focus on what works for them to achieve their desired future step by step.
If you want to read more:
Beyond surviving a trauma
Life is not always fair and sometimes bad things happen without any warning. After the traumatic event has struck, people can struggle for a long time to come to terms with it.
Talking about the traumatic events can be a very useful first step for clients. Telling their story to a compassionate counsellor and feeling that this person does not judge them for what has happened to them can be an enormous relief. It can lift feelings of shame and fear. Clients can start to realise it was not their fault and they are not to blame for what has happened to them. They are a victim. However, labelling oneself as a victim is not a stage which is healthy in the long run. When people keep on feeling they are a victim, these feelings can cause depression, anxiety, helplessness and despair.
A healthier way forward is to start seeing oneself as a survivor. Counsellors can help by exploring with the client how he managed to cope with the traumatic event. How did he do it? How did he manage to survive it? What helped him in the darkest hours? These sorts of questions help the client to focus on another dimension of their history - their strengths and resources. It can result in a feeling of pride that one was able to survive an ordeal. It can raise positive emotions regarding a terrible past.
Surely it is not easy to feel anything positive after you have lost something valuable, endured an ordeal or lost someone special. But does it do any good to have positive emotions under these sorts of difficult circumstances? Yes is the answer. Interesting research by Tugade and Fredrickson shows that positive emotions in times of crisis have a profound impact on wellbeing and achieving goals. Tugade and Fredrickson looked, for example, into the effect of positive emotions on survivors of the 9/11 bombings. They found that survivors who reported feelings of gratefulness and joy to have survived were much better off in the long run. It turns out that when people give positive meaning to negative events beyond their control, this has a very strong positive effect on how they cope. It leads to a healthier body and a healthier mind. People who stayed focused on positive and realistic goals turned out to cope much better with the 9/11 disaster than people who felt to be a victim of the bombings. Positive emotions in times of crisis help to keep a broader perspective on your situation, to look beyond the direct negative stressors and to take a more varied array of actions to achieve positive goals. Positive emotions, therefore, do more than just making you feel better in the moment. They have a long term effect.
Yvonne Dolan, a solution focused therapist who has written a lot about the topic of trauma, speaks of a life beyond the survivor stage. Beyond surviving you’re thriving. The trauma doesn’t define you any longer. It has become just one part of who you are. To help someone to go beyond being a survivor, Dolan’s “therapeutic resolving letters” can be useful. These are four letters which the client can do as homework and can bring into the next session. Letter one includes all the unresolved feelings which the client has toward someone or something that has happened to him. Letter two is the response that the client fears, this either being a response from the attacker or someone who has no good intentions toward the client. Letter three is the letter which the client would hope he would get. It includes all the acknowledgement the client seeks and in case of an attacker it also includes an apology. Letter three has to be written straight after letter two, in order not to deepen the trauma but to ease it. Letter four can be written at such a time as the client feels like it and it represents the hope the client has for a better future. A future in which the trauma is genuinely in the past and the client has gone beyond surviving it.
If you want to read more:
Talking about the traumatic events can be a very useful first step for clients. Telling their story to a compassionate counsellor and feeling that this person does not judge them for what has happened to them can be an enormous relief. It can lift feelings of shame and fear. Clients can start to realise it was not their fault and they are not to blame for what has happened to them. They are a victim. However, labelling oneself as a victim is not a stage which is healthy in the long run. When people keep on feeling they are a victim, these feelings can cause depression, anxiety, helplessness and despair.
A healthier way forward is to start seeing oneself as a survivor. Counsellors can help by exploring with the client how he managed to cope with the traumatic event. How did he do it? How did he manage to survive it? What helped him in the darkest hours? These sorts of questions help the client to focus on another dimension of their history - their strengths and resources. It can result in a feeling of pride that one was able to survive an ordeal. It can raise positive emotions regarding a terrible past.
Surely it is not easy to feel anything positive after you have lost something valuable, endured an ordeal or lost someone special. But does it do any good to have positive emotions under these sorts of difficult circumstances? Yes is the answer. Interesting research by Tugade and Fredrickson shows that positive emotions in times of crisis have a profound impact on wellbeing and achieving goals. Tugade and Fredrickson looked, for example, into the effect of positive emotions on survivors of the 9/11 bombings. They found that survivors who reported feelings of gratefulness and joy to have survived were much better off in the long run. It turns out that when people give positive meaning to negative events beyond their control, this has a very strong positive effect on how they cope. It leads to a healthier body and a healthier mind. People who stayed focused on positive and realistic goals turned out to cope much better with the 9/11 disaster than people who felt to be a victim of the bombings. Positive emotions in times of crisis help to keep a broader perspective on your situation, to look beyond the direct negative stressors and to take a more varied array of actions to achieve positive goals. Positive emotions, therefore, do more than just making you feel better in the moment. They have a long term effect.
Yvonne Dolan, a solution focused therapist who has written a lot about the topic of trauma, speaks of a life beyond the survivor stage. Beyond surviving you’re thriving. The trauma doesn’t define you any longer. It has become just one part of who you are. To help someone to go beyond being a survivor, Dolan’s “therapeutic resolving letters” can be useful. These are four letters which the client can do as homework and can bring into the next session. Letter one includes all the unresolved feelings which the client has toward someone or something that has happened to him. Letter two is the response that the client fears, this either being a response from the attacker or someone who has no good intentions toward the client. Letter three is the letter which the client would hope he would get. It includes all the acknowledgement the client seeks and in case of an attacker it also includes an apology. Letter three has to be written straight after letter two, in order not to deepen the trauma but to ease it. Letter four can be written at such a time as the client feels like it and it represents the hope the client has for a better future. A future in which the trauma is genuinely in the past and the client has gone beyond surviving it.
If you want to read more:
Hope, the neglected common factor
Dr Denis O’Hara, researcher at Universities in Scotland and Australia, stresses that the fourth common factor “hope” deserves much more attention than it currently receives. In Therapy Today, vol 21, issue 9 he writes the following:
As most therapists know, there are four common factors in therapy which determine the effectiveness of the therapy. The first common factor is extra-therapeutic support (social support which the client receives), the second is the therapeutic relationship (the relationship between the therapist and the client), the third is the theory and method used by the therapist and the fourth common factor is hope and a positive expectation.
O’Hara defines hope as “the optimistic expectation of a good future”. Without the conviction that good things and good experiences are available to us, we lose hope and get desperate. One of the main reasons why people seek help from a therapist, is because they are confused whether or not there is still hope for them in their situation.
Researchers of the Hope Foundation in Canada therapists define hope in three different ways:
1. Hope as something tangible that one person can give to another. De role of the therapist is then to give hope to the client
2. Hope as a process of discovery. The role of the therapist is then to help the client discover there is hope in his narrative. Hope which the client could not see any longer, but which is actually there to be discovered
3. Hope as co-construction. The role of the therapist is to create hope, together with the client. Through a process of co-construction in therapeutic conversations, the therapist co-creates hope which is relevant to the client.
Many therapists indicate that evoking hope is an important part of their work with clients, but that they normally don’t address the concept of hope directly. Instead their approach is more implicit. Others do address hope explicitly. Hope is a necessary to live and strengthening hope is one of the essential goals of therapy. The current practices in therapy balance between implicitly and explicitly addressing the hope of the client. Hope as the fourth common factor deserves much more attention and research, O’Hara states.
Creating a positive expectation that the change that will happen will be beneficial, can be done very subtle. These sorts of interventions prove to be effective:
Reframing the language of the client (e.g. I will never succeed to I am not succeeding yet)
Evoking detailed own positive behaviour descriptions, by asking questions which imply a positive change will happen (e.g.“What will you be doing different once the problem is solved?)
Implying a better future (e.g. “Soon, when things start to improve between the two of you, what are the first signs that will tell you this is happening?”)
Analysing positive behaviour in the past (e.g. “When were you able to manage……, how did you do that then?”)
Scaling questions which address the process of change (e.g. “on a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 means “I know I am on the right track” and 0 means “I have no idea if I’m on the right track, where are you now on that scale?”) or scaling questions which address the desired future of the client (e.g. “on a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 means you have achieved your desired situation and 0 means you have not achieved anything yet, where are you now on that scale?”
Analysing progress (e.g. What is better? How did you achieve that?”)
Normalising (e.g. yes, many people experience depressive thoughts at some point in their life’s”, or “under these circumstances lots of people would feel the way you feel now”.).
If you are interested to read more about subtly eliciting hope, read this article:
As most therapists know, there are four common factors in therapy which determine the effectiveness of the therapy. The first common factor is extra-therapeutic support (social support which the client receives), the second is the therapeutic relationship (the relationship between the therapist and the client), the third is the theory and method used by the therapist and the fourth common factor is hope and a positive expectation.
O’Hara defines hope as “the optimistic expectation of a good future”. Without the conviction that good things and good experiences are available to us, we lose hope and get desperate. One of the main reasons why people seek help from a therapist, is because they are confused whether or not there is still hope for them in their situation.
Researchers of the Hope Foundation in Canada therapists define hope in three different ways:
1. Hope as something tangible that one person can give to another. De role of the therapist is then to give hope to the client
2. Hope as a process of discovery. The role of the therapist is then to help the client discover there is hope in his narrative. Hope which the client could not see any longer, but which is actually there to be discovered
3. Hope as co-construction. The role of the therapist is to create hope, together with the client. Through a process of co-construction in therapeutic conversations, the therapist co-creates hope which is relevant to the client.
Many therapists indicate that evoking hope is an important part of their work with clients, but that they normally don’t address the concept of hope directly. Instead their approach is more implicit. Others do address hope explicitly. Hope is a necessary to live and strengthening hope is one of the essential goals of therapy. The current practices in therapy balance between implicitly and explicitly addressing the hope of the client. Hope as the fourth common factor deserves much more attention and research, O’Hara states.
Creating a positive expectation that the change that will happen will be beneficial, can be done very subtle. These sorts of interventions prove to be effective:
Reframing the language of the client (e.g. I will never succeed to I am not succeeding yet)
Evoking detailed own positive behaviour descriptions, by asking questions which imply a positive change will happen (e.g.“What will you be doing different once the problem is solved?)
Implying a better future (e.g. “Soon, when things start to improve between the two of you, what are the first signs that will tell you this is happening?”)
Analysing positive behaviour in the past (e.g. “When were you able to manage……, how did you do that then?”)
Scaling questions which address the process of change (e.g. “on a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 means “I know I am on the right track” and 0 means “I have no idea if I’m on the right track, where are you now on that scale?”) or scaling questions which address the desired future of the client (e.g. “on a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 means you have achieved your desired situation and 0 means you have not achieved anything yet, where are you now on that scale?”
Analysing progress (e.g. What is better? How did you achieve that?”)
Normalising (e.g. yes, many people experience depressive thoughts at some point in their life’s”, or “under these circumstances lots of people would feel the way you feel now”.).
If you are interested to read more about subtly eliciting hope, read this article:
woensdag 9 februari 2011
Solution focused encouraging versus problem focused confronting
The SFE-coaching style is positive and goal oriented. Derived from the therapeutic field, it is currently used in a wide variety of settings such as in coaching, in management and in organisational change. In a SFE-change process the solutions to the problem have to fit with the unique and specific circumstances of the client. When using this change approach problems are not analysed or diagnosed. Instead the desired future of the client is explored. A SFE-coach will explore the client’s desired future in concrete and positive terms, encouraging the client to use vivid language. By analysing previous successes and positive exceptions to the problem in the past, solutions are built that suit the specific context and situation of the client. This analysis of what works is then used to reach the desired future step by step (Schlundt Bodien, Visser, 2008). The SFE-change approach is encouraging, positive, goal and succes oriented and focuses on small steps. The opposite can be described as confronting, problem focused, negative and focusing on big steps. The PFC-approach is based on the assumption that change only happens when the client is confronted with what he is doing wrong and that the coach needs to give the client expert advice on how to deal with his problem. The difference between the two coaching styles is summarised below.
If a coach uses SFE-interventions, these will be mainly positive, encouraging, focused on positive goals, focused on what works for the student, focused on successes and on positive competencies and expectations. If a coach uses PFC-interventions, these will be mainly negative, problem focused, focused on confronting the student with what he is doing wrong and with his lack of competence, in the hope that this will “ wake him up” to get his act together.
If a coach uses SFE-interventions, these will be mainly positive, encouraging, focused on positive goals, focused on what works for the student, focused on successes and on positive competencies and expectations. If a coach uses PFC-interventions, these will be mainly negative, problem focused, focused on confronting the student with what he is doing wrong and with his lack of competence, in the hope that this will “ wake him up” to get his act together.
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